The Palette Expander Experience

While there are pluses and minuses to reading personal blogs, watching YouTube videos, and essentially, exhausting the web for information on whatever experience one will have, it is an ENTIRELY different experience, when it personally happens.

Oh yeah, that's right: You think you're all prepared. You've set your positive mindset, you've conquered any momentary jitters (even refrained from your daily morning fix of Starbucks double latte with one pump of sugar-free vanilla), and show up, on time, ready to do this thing.

My attitude the morning of August 26th was: BRING IT!

I mean, really, how hard could this be?

Well, I was feeling pretty strong.....until they showed this to me.....



(Ah, my palette expander. Yes, there it is. Get a long look, 'cause it's going to be hovering below my palette for the next 6 months)

Moments later, they clamped the expander on to see if the brackets snapped onto my teeth (they had measured me for brackets when I was fitted for my top braces on August 12th) correctly. The expander slipped on, and my mouth felt the shock! My poor mouth now had half the space...OMG! My throat seized up, and I was fighting to breathe, I was so scared (I probably forgot to mention: I have claustrophobia in the WORST way). I couldn't talk, I couldn't swallow, and all I knew was, I wanted this metal alien out of my fucking mouth! I panicked and my mind raced through every worst case scenario! I mean, how would I eat, swallow anything I drank, kissing was probably out of the question now....in a flash, I saw myself shriveling up to a fraction of my weight, while I noisily sucked and slurped back the saliva that dribbled from the corners of my mouth, while I wasted away in a dusty room, clad only in a dingy nightgown that had seen better days....my spine protruded through my skin from emaciation, and I could do was babble incoherently, because my expander wouldn't allow me to form words. Yeah, yeah, I know: that's a rather dramatic image from the horror flick PET CEMETERY, but still, I couldn't help but think dramatically, in this moment.....

It REALLY didn't help to hear that my expander was going on TWO WEEKS EARLIER than it normally would, as Dr. Quinn, my Orthodontist, was going out of town. "How NICE for him, but how badly does this suck to be me right now?" I mused, as the tears were beginning to rise in my throat.

I started to silently weep, and I brushed the tears out of my eyes. This was not at all what I signed up for, and suddenly, I wondered why the fuck I doing this to myself. I wondered if vanity had really played a part in this all along, and did I actually really need it? Was this just a ploy, by Dr. Quinn and Dr. O'Ryan, to spike me for more money? Should I have gotten a 3rd and a 4th opinion? Or more?

But Dr. Quinn, sensing my panic, and being the ever-patient rock star orthodontist that he is, handed me a kleenex, put a gentle hand on my shoulder, smiled and soothed me, "LeAnne, take a deep breath through your nose and let it out. It's going to be ok. You'll get used to it. I promise." As he rolled over the timetable for my expander, and the possible schedule for my jaw surgery, I suddenly felt better. I felt like the atmosphere around me calmed down, and the molecules had settled in the room. I slowed my breathing, and I felt myself smile. Then, one of his assistants smiled at me, patted me gently on the shoulder, and further calmed me down, promising me it was going to be ok....REALLY, it was!

She then removed the expander out of my mouth so they could apply the glue.....

Ahhhhh HEAVEN! I could talk once more! I swallowed normally, and my words flowed like smooth bordeaux off my tongue. And while I still had the opportunity, I grabbed my iPhone and called my niece Chloe, to wish her a Happy 18th Birthday. It was the last time I'd sing 'Happy Birthday' to anyone, without the expander impeding my speech, for the next 6 months.

Here is my palette expander's Activator Key, being explained to me, by Dr. Quinn's assistant. This is what I'll be doing, several times a day, after my surgery next week, to crank open my 2 front teeth, which will allow my palette to properly widen:

(Video to follow. Blogger and Apple are being testy about my video)

(Yes, it's all starting to look a bit like a medieval torture device, isn't it? I SURE wish someone would explain to me what I did in my last life, to have to have SO many serious dental issues. I have horrible dental karma! Ay yi yi!)

So, after a few more tweeks and twists from Dr. Quinn and his assistant, to my expander, I took a deep breath in, and my expander was soundly glued into it's temporary home, for the next 6 months, a good few inches from my palette....

Before:



After:



....the thing I find tragically sad about this is, my palette is SO narrow, my expander isn't even CLOSE to hugging it. If it were a little less narrow, I think I'd have more room for my tongue to sound most words out. But as it is, the expander cuts off half the space in my mouth, which leaves me with not much room to talk, eat, swallow liquids or even my saliva (I know that sounds incredibly unsavory, but it's true). I've had more than a few near misses, when I've nearly drooled on myself or someone I'm talking to...talk about awkward moments!

Before I turn this blog entry into another behemoth post, I'll stop here for now.

And I want you to know, I deeply thank you for following along with me, here. I REALLY appreciate your eyes and participation, and I don't take for granted one of my readers! I am SO grateful for your time: not only taking the time to read my posts, but comment, too. AND, AND, if you like my blog, I invite you to follow me and/or share my blog with someone you know.

Bye for now.....

So, what am I, anyways?

I was recently sharing a cup of sympathy with one of my besties at her local Starbucks in San Rafael, when the subject of calling ourselves actress came up. Rebecca plunked her coffee down on the table, looked square at me, and said emphatically, "We are ACTORS, LeAnne. It's completely ridiculous that a female is called an actress. I mean, don't you see? It's ridiculous."

"I don't get why it's ridiculous, Rebecca. What's wrong with it?" I asked her, quizzically. She used ridiculous twice, so I was curious to explore her point.

Rebecca rolled her eyes, and looked at me witheringly. For emphasis, he head bobbed to make her point as she explained herself, "Because LeAnne, there shouldn't be a difference. Men. or. Women. should. not. be. differentiated. We. are. all. actors. End. of. story."

I sat quiet for a moment, and thought about what Rebecca said. She had a point. I always wondered why men and women were given different titles, for the same job. I mean, all it takes is one quick look at a headshot and/or resume, or for someone to walk into the room to recognize their sex. It's always been puzzling to me, why this is. Was it laziness? Battle of the sexes? Tradition?

Being a woman, and in the career of acting, I often wonder what my career tagline is....is it actor, or actress? Has it come down to the same simple argument of Miss or Ms? Tomato or Tomatoe? Potato or Potatoe?

Yeah, yeah, you know the rest of the song.

Some people tell me women are now 'actors', others will say 'actresses'. I've had different acting teachers debate the issue, as well...meh. I cannot figure it out. If a reader here can share their perspective on this, I'd be mightily grateful.

And thank you again to Gideon, for not only commenting on my first blog entry since Stagekiss's blog hiatus *wink*, but for also following my blog. It means the world to me!

And to any other readers I've picked up: I TRULY appreciate you! And PLEASE, don't be shy, as I'd love to hear from you! Leave me a comment, follow my blog, and PLEASE be sure to share my blog with anyone you think may be interested in it. Tell your friends, tell your enemies! The more the merrier!

Happy 4th of July, my friends. The sounds outside my window are already welcoming in the new day: it positively sounds like a war zone out there! Crickey!