The Palette Expander Experience

While there are pluses and minuses to reading personal blogs, watching YouTube videos, and essentially, exhausting the web for information on whatever experience one will have, it is an ENTIRELY different experience, when it personally happens.

Oh yeah, that's right: You think you're all prepared. You've set your positive mindset, you've conquered any momentary jitters (even refrained from your daily morning fix of Starbucks double latte with one pump of sugar-free vanilla), and show up, on time, ready to do this thing.

My attitude the morning of August 26th was: BRING IT!

I mean, really, how hard could this be?

Well, I was feeling pretty strong.....until they showed this to me.....



(Ah, my palette expander. Yes, there it is. Get a long look, 'cause it's going to be hovering below my palette for the next 6 months)

Moments later, they clamped the expander on to see if the brackets snapped onto my teeth (they had measured me for brackets when I was fitted for my top braces on August 12th) correctly. The expander slipped on, and my mouth felt the shock! My poor mouth now had half the space...OMG! My throat seized up, and I was fighting to breathe, I was so scared (I probably forgot to mention: I have claustrophobia in the WORST way). I couldn't talk, I couldn't swallow, and all I knew was, I wanted this metal alien out of my fucking mouth! I panicked and my mind raced through every worst case scenario! I mean, how would I eat, swallow anything I drank, kissing was probably out of the question now....in a flash, I saw myself shriveling up to a fraction of my weight, while I noisily sucked and slurped back the saliva that dribbled from the corners of my mouth, while I wasted away in a dusty room, clad only in a dingy nightgown that had seen better days....my spine protruded through my skin from emaciation, and I could do was babble incoherently, because my expander wouldn't allow me to form words. Yeah, yeah, I know: that's a rather dramatic image from the horror flick PET CEMETERY, but still, I couldn't help but think dramatically, in this moment.....

It REALLY didn't help to hear that my expander was going on TWO WEEKS EARLIER than it normally would, as Dr. Quinn, my Orthodontist, was going out of town. "How NICE for him, but how badly does this suck to be me right now?" I mused, as the tears were beginning to rise in my throat.

I started to silently weep, and I brushed the tears out of my eyes. This was not at all what I signed up for, and suddenly, I wondered why the fuck I doing this to myself. I wondered if vanity had really played a part in this all along, and did I actually really need it? Was this just a ploy, by Dr. Quinn and Dr. O'Ryan, to spike me for more money? Should I have gotten a 3rd and a 4th opinion? Or more?

But Dr. Quinn, sensing my panic, and being the ever-patient rock star orthodontist that he is, handed me a kleenex, put a gentle hand on my shoulder, smiled and soothed me, "LeAnne, take a deep breath through your nose and let it out. It's going to be ok. You'll get used to it. I promise." As he rolled over the timetable for my expander, and the possible schedule for my jaw surgery, I suddenly felt better. I felt like the atmosphere around me calmed down, and the molecules had settled in the room. I slowed my breathing, and I felt myself smile. Then, one of his assistants smiled at me, patted me gently on the shoulder, and further calmed me down, promising me it was going to be ok....REALLY, it was!

She then removed the expander out of my mouth so they could apply the glue.....

Ahhhhh HEAVEN! I could talk once more! I swallowed normally, and my words flowed like smooth bordeaux off my tongue. And while I still had the opportunity, I grabbed my iPhone and called my niece Chloe, to wish her a Happy 18th Birthday. It was the last time I'd sing 'Happy Birthday' to anyone, without the expander impeding my speech, for the next 6 months.

Here is my palette expander's Activator Key, being explained to me, by Dr. Quinn's assistant. This is what I'll be doing, several times a day, after my surgery next week, to crank open my 2 front teeth, which will allow my palette to properly widen:

(Video to follow. Blogger and Apple are being testy about my video)

(Yes, it's all starting to look a bit like a medieval torture device, isn't it? I SURE wish someone would explain to me what I did in my last life, to have to have SO many serious dental issues. I have horrible dental karma! Ay yi yi!)

So, after a few more tweeks and twists from Dr. Quinn and his assistant, to my expander, I took a deep breath in, and my expander was soundly glued into it's temporary home, for the next 6 months, a good few inches from my palette....

Before:



After:



....the thing I find tragically sad about this is, my palette is SO narrow, my expander isn't even CLOSE to hugging it. If it were a little less narrow, I think I'd have more room for my tongue to sound most words out. But as it is, the expander cuts off half the space in my mouth, which leaves me with not much room to talk, eat, swallow liquids or even my saliva (I know that sounds incredibly unsavory, but it's true). I've had more than a few near misses, when I've nearly drooled on myself or someone I'm talking to...talk about awkward moments!

Before I turn this blog entry into another behemoth post, I'll stop here for now.

And I want you to know, I deeply thank you for following along with me, here. I REALLY appreciate your eyes and participation, and I don't take for granted one of my readers! I am SO grateful for your time: not only taking the time to read my posts, but comment, too. AND, AND, if you like my blog, I invite you to follow me and/or share my blog with someone you know.

Bye for now.....

I've been remiss

I'm sorry I've been silent since my juggernaut post, about my top braces being clamped on. Since then, I've promised to report on the palette expansion I was fitted with last Friday, my Pre-Op appointment with Dr. O'Ryan, my night out with Stephen at TIGERS BE STILL at the SF Playhouse (Standing Ovation Performances all around, by the way).....so much going on!

I've just been inundated with quite a few things, but I've got lots of new reports coming up, which will see the light of day, on Stagekiss, this weekend. I'm committing to this! Those of you that know me well, know what a commitment-phobe I am, but I'm committing to this.

I know, I know. My life tends to be feast or famine. Be prepared for FEAST time!

Talk soon, and PLEASE stay tuned, won't you?

Pretty please?

And so it begins

When I originally started Stagekiss on blogger.com, wayyyyyyyyyy back in 2006, I wanted to share the good, the bad, and the UGLY about what it was like to be a struggling actress in San Francisco: an actress who still held fast to the dream of being a storyteller, and an even bigger dream of being a storyteller in Los Angeles, or even Chicago (I still haven't decided on which destination yet). I started this journey, of being an actor back when I was 12. I've been told the word "NO" more often than I'll ever hear YES, and I'm an unflappable optimist. My optimism has been known to annoy some, while others shake their heads at what they think is simple naiveté on my part.

Well, haters be warned: I STILL believe it, in my core, that I will soon make my dream come true, of making my life and living as an actor....yeah, yeah, we'll leave the last argument behind for now, whether it's actor or actress (I'm going with actor, for the sake of an argument, and also, for simplicity sake). ANYHOW, I am proud to say that I hold onto my dream tightly, with both hands, even when critics, agents, other actors, well meaning friends and family, the media, age, negativity and cynicism try and pry my dream from my hands. I still have it, buried deep inside here *placing my hands over my heart gently*, and no, I won't 'go gently into that good night'. It truly doesn't matter to me anymore, if no one believes that I'll make my dream come true. The important thing is that I believe it, and I DO.

And so, along this path to my dream of acting professionally, I realized, after a long hard look at myself, and losing out on a considerable amount of work I knew I had been right for, I realized, after digesting some sage advice from a few mentors of mine, I needed to tweek and adjust some glaring issues with my instrument: which is me, my body. Now, before you jump to conclusions, I am NOT speaking about a facelift (blood curdling scream), a boob job or a labiaplasty, for crying out loud (Heh. I'm truly kidding about the labiaplasty, but for shits and giggles, Google: Labiaplasty, and you'll soon realize, plastic surgeons are making a fortune off of offering labia rejuvination....apparently it's HUGE in certain parts of the world...who knew, right?! And anyone who thinks I was seriously considering this, I would ask to chillax. I'm having a bit of fun, about the subject). I am talking about something which I noticed back when I was 23....it's funny how I can remember SO MUCH of that moment. I can still describe the picture of myself I was looking at with precision. I also remember the depression that hit me like a bolt of lightening, when I noticed it, as I had been through SO MUCH when I was in high school, to correct the problem.

The moment I saw my mouth, I wanted to do this: "NNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!", but...uh....it wasn't a real appropriate time.

The problem was my mouth. The picture I was looking at, was a press picture of me in a production of DRACULA at Santa Rosa Junior College. I was 23 at the time, and I was playing Mina. In the picture, my head was thrown back, exposing my neck for the actor playing Dracula. The picture was fine, but what WASN'T fine was that my right front tooth was slightly crooked, thus I noticed that I had a growing overbite! This was a HUGE 'OMG-WTF?!' moment for me. The problem had been fixed in high school, or so I thought, and I just never even entertained the thought that everything would collapse and I'd be facing my dental deformities all over again. But there it was, and it was...inconceivable. My mind raced through all the suffering and pain I'd been through, in high school, to get my crossbite, overbite and palette balanced. I had everything:

1. A palette expansion (just an RPE *Rapid Palatal Expander* w/out surgery), when I was a toddler;
2. Braces first @ 12;
3. Headgear;
4. Rubber Bands;
5. Retainers;
6. Wires, Wires and more Wires;
7. Jaw Surgery, which included being wired shut for 8 weeks;
8. And more braces.....;

The technical term for what I'm going to have is:

SARPE: Surgically Assisted Rapid Palatal Expansion *I know that's a big WTF?, right?*

SARPE is defined as:

"Surgically assisted rapid palatal expansion or SARPE is a form of surgery in which the upper jaw is expanded. In many cases the orthodontist will try a palatal expander alone; however there is a chance that the movement will be not be enough. In this case the SARPE surgery is done.

When patients upper jaw is vastly too small to go over the lower jaw, chewing, talking, and other issues can arise. This is why it is important you look into treatment. Usually younger patients respond better to the palatal expander alone. The older patients jaws are not as soft and usually are better candidates for SARPE, however it is a procedure done on teens as well.

Users report very little discomfort or pain and the surgery usually take an hour at an inpatient facility. Your orthodontist will usually recommend an oral surgeon that they have done these procedures with before.

There is said to be some swelling, however this varies from patient to patient. The expander is not to be turned for about a week after the surgery and you are placed on a soft food and liquid diet. Soft foods such as mash potatoes, pasta, apple sauce, etc.

There is usually a space in your front teeth from the expansion of the jaw, however there is closed with braces in the upcoming weeks of treatment."

Yup. Apparently, during the time I'm cranking open my palette expander with my key, I'm going to develop a comely hillbilly gap between my 2 front teeth, where I'll not only be able to learn to whistle proficiently, but I'll finally be able to look like one of those statues in a fountain, that stream water from their mouths, when I'm in a swimming pool...yay for me! Perhaps on Halloween this year, I'll even be able to horrify people around me, by pretending to shove a pencil in my mouth, through the big ol' gap I'll have in my front teeth, and scream: OMG OUCH OUCH OUCH!!!!! while a creatively placed blood packet in my mouth spurts projectile stage blood. I mean, when else in my life will I have this kind of opportunity?! :-)

While I'm prone to make light of things, I want you to know that this journey, at times, is going to be anything but light. I know that I have a terrible habit of making jokes when I'm faced with an uncomfortable, awkward or painful situation. Frankly, it's how I cope with crap. A friend of mine is going through this nearly similar journey that I am, and I am inspired by her strength and maturity, dealing first with her own SARPE surgery. The pictures were unsettling, but utterly courageous....in fact, the more I've scoured the net for other personal experiences, I'm finding out there are a whole lot of peeps, like my friend and I, who have struggled with their own mouth issues, and want some normalcy, to how they chew, breath, and talk.

I've been asked if I'm doing this for 'Cosmetic Reasons': My answer? "Oh HELL to the NO!" Are you kidding? I may be crazy, but I'm not THAT crazy! IF I were doing this solely for cosmetic reasons, I wouldn't even have started the first gear in motion. No. This is for MEDICAL reasons. I REALLY want to be able to enjoy the simple pleasures of biting into an apple, without it having to be cut up for me, and I want to enjoy corn on the cob-and when I eat it, I want it messy, gooey and dripping with butter, while it gets all over my face! I don't want to have to cut off fresh corn from the cob with a freaken knife, like I was a baby. NO. I want to eat THAT corn on the cob, and enjoy every bite! I want to talk without effort, and no longer have to be embarrassed by my lisp. YES, I HAVE lost acting and commercial work, because of my mouth! How do I know this? Because when I've asked, I was told MY MOUTH affecting my voice, was the reason why. And, I want to be able to close my mouth when I sleep, or close my mouth when I'm listening to someone, and not have them ask me if "something's wrong?" because my mouth, when I close it? My chin crinkles up like a peach pit, and I look troubled. UGH! And, AND, did you know that people who breathe through their mouth or sleep with their mouth open (like me, because my mouth won't comfortably rest in a closed position), have a higher chance of cavities and other issues?

I have to say, I bless my health insurance everyday, as they'll be picking up most of the tab for my surgeries. GOD BLESS KAISER PERMANENTE!!!

And so, I'm going to share this journey to my dream smile with you, dear readers. I'll be sharing the gamut of what I'm going to do. I'll be having my share of triumphs and defeats, and a lot of it will not be pretty, BUT that's why it's called a journey, yes? YES!

All I have to say is, BRING IT! I've dealt with more setbacks, more personal pain and insecurities, having my palette and jaw out of alignment, than the WORST pain that I'll be going through, and trust me, the final results will speak for themselves. I'm terrified but incredibly excited....I can imagine, in many ways, that this must be what it's like to bring a baby to life. You prepare yourself, manage through the ups and downs of maternity, and in the end, when you hold that perfect little creature in your arms, it's ALL worth it. Though...mine won't be a baby, per se, but it will be a smile I can finally show to the world, without insecurity, and proudhearted, that I saw this journey through to the end, without giving up on myself.

So, without further ado, I'd like to post some pictures from just moments before I walked into Dr. Quinn's office to start the 2nd part of my journey, last Friday morning, August 12th. I was in the cab, and shot a pic of my bare top teeth, as well as a pic outside Dr. Quinn's office.

Me in the cab showing my teeth, sans top braces. You can see how my narrow palette has affected my 2 front choppers, pushing them out as my palette narrows. This is the way my teeth look, at rest in a normal bite. I never let ANYONE see my teeth at rest this way, as I'm SO insecure about the way they look. Pretty scary, huh?



Me in front of Dr. Quinn's office, about to accept my fate:



Down in the lobby at 450 Sutter Street, where Dr. Quinn's office is, all smiles, now with my top braces. I DID IT! YAY ME!!!!!



A closer look. See? Was that so hard? :-)



There's more to come, and I hope you'll stay tuned. And remember, I won't JUST be sharing my journey to my dream smile. Nope. I'll still be chatting away about people, places and things ruminating about in my head, my other life ups and downs, and everything else in between.

I forget who said it, but I fell in love with the quote when I heard it: "A life worth living is worth recording."

Can I get an A-MEN for THAT!

So, what am I, anyways?

I was recently sharing a cup of sympathy with one of my besties at her local Starbucks in San Rafael, when the subject of calling ourselves actress came up. Rebecca plunked her coffee down on the table, looked square at me, and said emphatically, "We are ACTORS, LeAnne. It's completely ridiculous that a female is called an actress. I mean, don't you see? It's ridiculous."

"I don't get why it's ridiculous, Rebecca. What's wrong with it?" I asked her, quizzically. She used ridiculous twice, so I was curious to explore her point.

Rebecca rolled her eyes, and looked at me witheringly. For emphasis, he head bobbed to make her point as she explained herself, "Because LeAnne, there shouldn't be a difference. Men. or. Women. should. not. be. differentiated. We. are. all. actors. End. of. story."

I sat quiet for a moment, and thought about what Rebecca said. She had a point. I always wondered why men and women were given different titles, for the same job. I mean, all it takes is one quick look at a headshot and/or resume, or for someone to walk into the room to recognize their sex. It's always been puzzling to me, why this is. Was it laziness? Battle of the sexes? Tradition?

Being a woman, and in the career of acting, I often wonder what my career tagline is....is it actor, or actress? Has it come down to the same simple argument of Miss or Ms? Tomato or Tomatoe? Potato or Potatoe?

Yeah, yeah, you know the rest of the song.

Some people tell me women are now 'actors', others will say 'actresses'. I've had different acting teachers debate the issue, as well...meh. I cannot figure it out. If a reader here can share their perspective on this, I'd be mightily grateful.

And thank you again to Gideon, for not only commenting on my first blog entry since Stagekiss's blog hiatus *wink*, but for also following my blog. It means the world to me!

And to any other readers I've picked up: I TRULY appreciate you! And PLEASE, don't be shy, as I'd love to hear from you! Leave me a comment, follow my blog, and PLEASE be sure to share my blog with anyone you think may be interested in it. Tell your friends, tell your enemies! The more the merrier!

Happy 4th of July, my friends. The sounds outside my window are already welcoming in the new day: it positively sounds like a war zone out there! Crickey!

Here we go....again

So, try as I might, I couldn't recover my initial Stagekiss blog. I had Blogger Help trying to figure it out with me, but....no dice. I was actually slightly flattered that my little lost blog stumped some of the Blogger genius tech help...that is, until I gave my confession, that I had deleted my blog 3 years ago. AH! That cleared the mystery, which they then, basically gave me a sympathetic cyber pat-on-the-back, that my blog was long gone after 3 years...which shocked the hell outta me! Aren't Google servers nearly infinite in their capacity of space? You coulda knocked me over with a feather when I heard my blog was gone.

*Sigh*

In a way, I'm glad it's gone. It had become a conduit to vent my frustration over Sonoma State, where I earned my Bachelor's Degree in Theatre, ALTHOUGH, I've recently been told by Sonoma State University (SSU for short), that I didn't actually earn my BA yet...that I still have some credits missing. WTF?! Credits "missing"? You mean, like the kids that are "missing" and show up on the backs of milk cartons? THAT kind of "missing"? REALLY? Since when, SSU? When I am afforded some free time in September, I plan to challenge this assertion, in person, because as far as I know, the degree that sits in one of my boxes in storage, in its pretty little cover, is good as gold. But, more on this later. I'll be sharing more about this missing BA in Theatre degree from SSU in a later blog. Let me just say that I will fight tooth and nail to prove that I earned my degree from SSU, because I will not let that little eyesore of a "university" steal one more red cent from me. In fact, my friend Jocelyn fought them over their bullshit, that they said she didn't earn her BA degree (they said to her, as well, that she didn't have enough credits), and won! I plan to do the same. AND, I'll be sharing the good, the bad and the ugly on my blog. If any of you want to know my candid feelings on SSU, and my experience with it, I'd like to encourage you to read over my Yelp reviews, which you can handily find by typing in LeAnne Rumbel, on Yelp.com

But again, more on that later.

Rashly, I put the kabosh on my first Stagekiss blog, after I had some uncomfortable run-ins over blog posts I made (and here I thought no one would give a rat's ass what some little nobody in San Francisco thought...who knew?). I decided to strike my blog, hang up my hat and step away from Blogger for good....but like any writer who loves the idea of self-publishing, and sharing a bit of their perspective with the world, blogging is a delicious fit. And you know what? While some of my blog posts WERE, admittedly, a bit controversial, I LOVED the fact that I had a fan in Indonesia! INDONESIA! Someone cared enough to read what I was musing about, and make a comment or two, from INDONESIA.....c'mon, how great is that?!

Of course, some hate mail from past SSU peers of mine, the brush-off I received from a few SSU instructors I've had, and an awkward moment between a local critic in Marin and myself I could've done without, but it was also invigorating to know that I had, with my little blog, provoked some people, while allowing me to free myself from my resentment(s) I've held onto, and had a forum to speak my mind, to vent and scream out that I was mad as hell and I wasn't gonna take it anymore! (Ten points if you can name the film that quote comes from)

And so, here we go again. STAGEKISS IS REBORN, and I have to say, I'm pleasantly surprised that www.stagekiss.blogspot.com was not taken! In fact, I was shocked! Since I put the kabosh on my first Stagekiss blog, Madonna kissed Britney onstage at the MTV music awards (I know, I know, ancient history by now...but it was a Stagekiss, after all), countless stage kisses have been shared, the words 'stage kiss' continues to draw thousands of google traffic hits, AND Sarah Ruhl wrote a play called 'Stage Kiss'. I thought FOR SURE, when I finally accepted the hard truth that my first Stagekiss blog was gone to the ethers, that some lucky SOB had snapped up Stagekiss. Nope. Now, Stagekids? Whoo boy, you have no idea how long gone that blog name is. But Stagekiss? Is still my baby.

It's good to be back.